by Gwee Li Sui
LIFE in Singapore is tough lah. We work so hard, and whatever is left as rest time is often just enough to lepak in front of the TV. Singapore itself doesn’t offer us many ways to relak and unwind. We’ve gone to the zoo a lot of times liao – so much so that the late Ah Meng’s family thinks we’re closely related. Walking in the Botanic Gardens is sibei hot. Going to the malls is sibei crowded. Meanwhile, Hollywood and Bollywood dun churn out filims fast enough…
So what do we as Singaporeans do? We go online and create some entertainment of our own lor. That’s what “stir” in the kuai lan Singlish chant “stir ah stir” means! The thing being stirred up is, of course, trouble. Our society seems to enjoy watching it unfold a lot. Yet, I dun think that I’ve heard this expression used much before the Internet came along. It recalls an older phrase “yo ah yo”, which is said with a gentle, rhythmic action as when you row a boat carrying a lover or bounce a buaian or sarung cradle.
“Stir ah stir” differently deals with a hostile scenario, and so its sayang tone is quite ironic lah. Maybe you’ve seen the phrase appear just as someone shares an anti-Gahmen article on Facebook? Or you may have watched it recur in a comment thread where folks are chochoking – from “cucuk” in Malay, meaning to poke – one another into kolaveri, or murderous rage? Or you may have muttered it to yourself in response to some cockanathan online petition where some are asking the Gahmen to protect their low level of tolerance towards others?
All these sound familiar yet or not? Yes, “stir ah stir” is a product of that new kind of reality we’ve been taught wrongly to call social media. It’s more like antisocial media, dey! People hide behind fake sexy photos and fake names like lonelybooby4u and say or do all kinds of gila stuff while others react without always knowing how bodoh they look. Basically, everyone online behaves like bo cheng hu one! But my point here is that Singlish knows it all. Singlish sees flaming and trolling and astroturfing – where support for a view is faked – as part of the free, messy, live, and interactive fun encouraged by the Internet. And “stir ah stir” is proof of this.
How exactly do you stir? Well, you can always politisai like scold the Gahmen or a certain party or anyhowly call somebody racist, sexist, or seditious. Another steady poon pee pee way is to join an anti- or pro-whatever online group, which will automatically give you a whole group of faceless folks to kacau and be kacaued by. Or you can play the street vigilante by taking photos or videos of, say, people cutting their toenails or fighting in public and then uploading these onto the web. Best, if your backside is sibei itchy, go po mata – or make a police report – in response to someone who po mata because someone else po mata!
All that nonetheless needs you to be quite garang, and so many who are humbler prefer to help others become famous instead. In this sense, Singaporeans are lovely in an Asian way one. We’re so evolved that we can sense who among us – whether he or she knows it or not – desires to be an overnight celebrity. We zoom in on this goondu and then chochok him or her until he or she becomes sibei pekchek. Then we sit back and wait for something epic to happen. There’s no need to doubt momentum because, smelling blood, others will ownself join in and help it all hit national proportion!
So never be fooled by Singaporeans’ outward kuai-ness: we’re all potential online troublemakers. But pity us lah since, as I’ve explained, it’s liddat only because we as a Smart Nation are sibei sian. If we have money, we will always choose to fly out for a short holiday and then post exotic Instagrams to hao lian. But no money – so bo hee hae ma ho. Besides, some folks really deserve to be local attractions. Getting them into trouble is our national duty so that, once entertained, we can then turn around and tell our children: “See lah! Internet very dangerous.”
Featured image by Sean Chong.
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